Thursday, October 27, 2011

Even this trial, even this one

Well, when Jay gets ready to go serve in Asia each time, there seems to be trials to go along with it. First, the baby gets a medium high fever, then Hannah and Rebekah get really high fevers, and then Hannah breaks out in a rash of tiny, red bumps all over her chest and sides. I think we are getting much better at dealing with such times though. Maybe this one was just Jesus showing us how he has grown us in this area time and time again- just for us to see and be encouraged by the peace we freely accept in the storm and how we now, therefore, do not overreact or get really discouraged. So, I am thankful for even this one.
Sarah is still having to deal with her cancer in many ways. There is always the physical aspect with feeling nauseous from chemo. Usually the daily chemo is ok, but the once a week 10-pill Methotrexate and the monthly IV Vincristine and spinal tap chemo make her feel worse. Steroids for five days out of every month make her feel aggravated and sad and give her hot, red cheeks - she is also very hungry!
As she gets older, the emotional side of having cancer is becoming harder to deal with. She is much more shy than pre-cancer and cries easily. She is nervous to meet people or go where new people will be since she looks so different than she did before - gaining weight from the steroids and having such short hair - not to mention the scars from a central line surgery in her neck and chest, port surgery in the other side of her chest, surgery to remove a tumor on her finger, and two biopsies on her leg when she had those huge mysterious red bumps. And she gets a rash now and then all over her face and ears which we think is from the chemo or steroids. She has had to learn coordination all over again, which is still a bit of a struggle, and she gets tired quickly.
She has always seemed older for her age, even from her toddler years. She used long complete sentences at age 1 and then just kept going up from there! She understood that Jesus died for her and that she wanted to live for Him at age 4. And just recently, I bought here a little dictionary and her eyes lit up as she took it to her room and started intently reading it and making notes in it, labeling pages to find them later! That Sarah just loves to know what is 'right and true' and doesn't hesitate to always share it with her sister - poor Hannah.
With all the gifts that have been given to Sarah during this past year, she is struggling with her desire to love as God wants her to and to not just think selfishly all the time. So many have served her for so long that she is now trying to cultivate a servants heart of her own.
Please pray for her as she looks to Jesus to help her grow in courage and character, to be able to have many moments of a carefree childhood, to embrace all the lessons and skills and abilities God has gifted her with in this process - as all of this is preparing her for the good works God has prepared in advance for her to do, for the great things He has purposed for her life.
Thank you for entering in to this journey with us. You truly bless us.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for bareing your soul and helping us who have never had to live with cancer in a child understand some of the everyday issues you have to deal with. Sarah is obviously a special needs child, but that does not change the charge given by God to parents to raise your children in His ways so they will become Godly adults. Y'all seem to be doing very well at this. I know it is an ongoing struggle. Continued prayers for strength and wisdom for all of you. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. It has helped open my eyes, mind and heart to some trials that I have personally never had to deal with.

Pat Bell (Jacob's dad)

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