Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Snow, Snow, Snow, SNOW

The weather is one of those things that without a doubt, we know that we don't control. Some cultures have even made gods for the different weather conditions or lack there of. There are over 200 such weather gods or gods with weather powers. The Bible tells us who is in control of the weather, and He is the one who created it and everything else. If you want to see the hand of God, if you are in need of a tangible exhibition of His power, you can find it in the weather.
Texas is known for its erratic weather, but it still surprises me for some reason. One day it can be 70 degrees (22C), and within a couple of days, snow is falling from the sky!
The girls and I saw a couple of snowflakes on Sat. afternoon but by that night, the heavy rain was turning to snow and the snow was sticking to the ground. When the girls woke up on Sunday morning, there was a think layer of several inches of snow. They were so excited that they ran to get their coats and put them on over their pajamas, ready to go outside and play.
It was very windy and snow was blowing everywhere, but we did get to spend a few minutes enjoying such a great novelty for us. And we gathered two bowls of fresh snow and made really yummy snow ice cream.
It is amazing how snow can transform a landscape. Even the toys left messily in the backyard became beautiful white sculptures. And the weeds in the dying brown grass were neatly covered by a fluffy, clean, white blanket.
God made two little girls very happy on Sunday. It shows us the kind of loving, caring God that He must be when He does something like that just because He can and wants to bring joy to His children. This also helped their mother... as I fight against doubting that God is present at times and that He cares about this hard trial our family is going through.
I find myself getting angry more often... at anything or anyone. I'm angry that Rebekah can whine for over an hour in her bed and fight sleep, I'm angry that the dust accumulates in the corners within a day and we need to have the vents cleaned, I'm angry that the awful life-threatening side effects of toxic chemotherapy are affecting my daughter, I'm angry that I feel so needy but don't want to burden others by asking for help. My list can go on - and perhaps it should during a private counseling session with me and my journal.
Still, God holds me and speaks to me as I force myself to read His words in the Bible and pray during the dark hours of the night when I can't sleep, and to look for His blessings in the midst of the struggle. He intervenes in the subtleties of daily life with 'coincidences' that can only come from Him. I am glad He does this, otherwise I don't know how long I'd last with this frail faith of mine. But I know by experience that if I really want to stay in communication with Him, in communion, then I really need to keep making myself read the Bible daily, download and listen to Christian speakers, read daily devotions, play Christian music, and pray and listen.
Sounds like my part is so simple, yet I constantly fight against doing these things and get in a pit of pity that is hard to get out of sometimes. I pray for God's strength to keep me on the path that leads to Him and for His endurance to continue on it.
Sarah's blood work showed today that her liver isn't functioning properly, or just can't handle all the toxins from the chemotherapy as the normal liver number is 50 and hers is 660. So this phase of her therapy might take longer than we originally thought. The doctor will continue to monitor it each week and space out her treatment accordingly. Please pray that this side effect won't cause Sarah problems and that it won't stretch out the time of her treatments. We go in tomorrow for three kinds of chemo - one into her spine, one IV drip, and one injection. And she will have her port (that is implanted under her skin) accessed tomorrow for the first time. Thank you so much for continuing to pray for us all.

1 comment:

Shannon Hilliard said...

Praying for you all, the snow is beautiful and then it melts, much like our walk of faith...praying for beauty in your ashes of expectations. Tell Sarah Grace that the Emla cream WORKS and that port-a-caths- rock!!!

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