Recovering

From last Thursday, March 4th to this Wednesday , March 10th, we spent every day except Sunday at either a hospital or the clinic. Even with the wonderful care by the doctors and nurses, it still exhausts you mentally and physically. I am still trying to recover and the much needed rest I thought we would have in the U.S. still has not materialized. I believe the entire family is feeling this. We returned from HK with our fuel light "on" and now we are very close to empty. With being so tired and constantly pushing to make it each day has created a numbing effect for me in many ways. It is hard for me to read and concentrate along with having an extended time of prayer. This has been the biggest reason you have not heard from me in a few days. I am a verbal person so writing also causes me to feel more tired. :) I believe the main strugge is not the amount of sleep, but the type of rest we need.


The book I am really enjoying, but at a very slow pace, is "Communion with the Triune God" by John Owen. I've been reading about God's love for us and that it is like the sun and sprays a constant powerful love on and around us. We in turn are like the moon. We can be dark with no love toward God, or a quarter moon with little love. We all desire for the full moon, but we know most of our time on earth will not be at the full moon stage. Owen goes on to show four areas we show God we love Him. They are rest, delight, reverence and obedience. For most of my journey as a believer, I've only concentrated on the obedience part of showing my love for God. At this time, He is challenging me more than ever to learn how to show my love for Him through rest and delight. These two areas are very difficult for me especially as we go through this struggle with Sarah's cancer. I pray He uses this journey so that the entire Clark family learns how to rest and delight in God the Father, through the love of Jesus and in the power of the Holy Spirit.

It is like He is asking me, "Come, Jay, you are greatly troubled. I am the Good Shepherd and I will give you rest so you can lay down in green pastures and fear nothing. Cast your burdens to me and delight in the fact that your name is written in the Book of Life."

As David writes in Psalm 62.
5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God ;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

Through this, I am pouring out my heart to Him. It is an ugly mess of a heart, but I pour because I trust him and love him and want to show Him that I do.